It’s happening. You can’t hold it in any longer and there’s no way to avoid… the dreaded festival toilets. There’s hope! Read on for all my advice on how to cope with peeing at a festival after going to 62 different festivals around the world.

That familiar feeling of a swollen bladder after one too many ciders is 100% more unwelcome than usual when you’re at a festival. As soon as the need to pee (or poo) at a festival kicks in, the horror stories of festival portaloos all come rushing back into your mind.

After admitting defeat to your renal system you approach those banging portaloo doors with much trepidation, fearful of what may lay behind.

Nervously you select one and pull on the repugnant handle, bracing yourself for the stench to fill your nostrils.

If you manage to pull the door ajar without the fumes spinning your mind, you commit to opening it fully.

If the gagging reflex doesn’t kick in, this is the festival toilet for you.

You take a deep breath and step up.

What if I told you there was a way to avoid all this festival toilet rigmarole?

In preparation for the Glastonbury toilets, and with the help of Amazon reviewers, I’ve put together this little guide to show you how you can avoid the toilets at festivals all together…

1. The She Wee

Perhaps the most famous of all the festival toilet avoidance schemes, the She Wee gives ladies all the convenience of having a funnel, which as you guys know, makes the whole toilet process a lot simpler.

Girls, you simply cup the She Wee on your foof… and release.

I tried this when I went to Glastonbury Festival and made a right mess. If you’re going to try it I’d recommend not drinking five ciders, waiting until the last minute and then becoming uncontrollable with laughter as your mate tries to help.

Turns out there’s a lot more wee than expected.

“A life saver. Easy to use and convenient. The wide funnel covers the area well without you having to worry there is going to be a spill. There is no need to assemble anything and it is easy to wash and reuse.”
– Conneal Beswick on Amazon